The Passing of Time

Today, Ryan and Jordan started high school. High school! This is mind blowing to me. How can more than 14 years have gone by that quickly?

Time seemed endless when the boys were babies and toddlers. We would try to get out, see friends, and do activities, but often, it was not very much fun. We spent most of the time feeding and rocking them to stop the crying, or chasing them and watching their every movement when they were toddlers, to make sure they were safe. I would regularly hear from moms of older kids:

• “What adorable babies/little boys! I miss those days.”
• “You’re so lucky to be young and have this time. Savor it because it goes so fast.”
• “Enjoy them while they’re little and you’re young. One day you’ll be 15 years older with teenagers taller than you are, wondering how they got so big and where the time went.”

I would look at them enviously – their faces, refreshed as if they’d gotten a good night’s sleep; their demeanor, relaxed while lounging on a pool chair, sitting at a restaurant table, or hanging out on a bar stool in someone’s kitchen, holding a glass of wine while their kids were off playing somewhere. And I would think, “Are you nuts? You can sit here all night and socialize! Then you can go home and sleep for eight hours. Why am I the lucky one? I want to be like you!”

The boys got a little older and Ryan entered his bolting phase. Whenever he experienced sensory overload – if the environment was too loud, too busy, or too confining – he would run away. We had to watch him constantly and would regularly call to each other across the playground, the gym, a friend’s house… “Are you watching Ryan?” “Where’s Ryan?” “I have him, but I haven’t eaten – it’s your turn to watch him!”

Preschool was a blur of physical and emotional fatigue, but as we got into elementary school, life became more fun. The boys tickled each other, hugged each other, cuddled with us, and had the best little boy scents when we snuggled with them. We still had the ‘who has Ryan’ panicked moments, but they were not as frequent.

Somehow, my 30s disappeared during those years and when I turned 40, the boys started middle school. Their growth from boys to teens was steady. During those years, cuddling became a thing of the past. Instead of them hugging us all the time just because, hugs were given for a purpose – a thank you, or a hello or goodbye if one of us was going away overnight. Little boy scents were replaced by deodorant. Imaginary games stopped and we had longer conversations instead. We did more activities together – trips, shows, sporting events, the family Amazing Race that Jordan organizes every year. They (Jordan, especially) began to value alone time or being out of the house participating in extracurricular activities. And they both grew taller than me.

Sometimes I miss the cuteness, the cuddles and the innocence of the younger years. We FaceTimed my cousin, who had twins in February, on her birthday a few months ago. She had a baby in her arms and one was sleeping. Her two year old was playing nearby. “How was your day?” I asked. She said her husband was sick and she spent the day taking care of two babies and a toddler, not the most relaxing of birthdays.  Dan and I sang and played games through the phone with the awake twin and made him smile and giggle, which of course made us smile and laugh. Babies’ giggles are contagious.  “Aww, I miss this,” I said. “Enjoy these moments while they’re young. It goes so fast.” She looked at me as if I was crazy. I had temporarily forgotten about the sheer exhaustion that comes with twin babies.

To quote my friend, Heather, who summed it up well, “while I miss the age, I do not miss the lifestyle.” Ryan has stopped bolting completely. He lets us know where he’s going if we are out somewhere, and he always comes back to us. When we get together with friends, our kids usually disappear with the other kids, and we’re the ones lounging on pool chairs or chatting with friends in the kitchen for hours, and going home to get a good night’s sleep. Life overall is easier now that they’re older. But, it’s hard accepting we’ve also gotten older in the process.

Last year, Ryan was writing an essay for Spanish and had to describe three people in his family – their hair color, whether they were tall or short, and whether they were young or old. He wrote, Mi padre es viejo. (My father is old.) I said, “Ryan, you think Daddy is old? He’s not old!” The picture next to viejo was a man looking about 80. Ryan erased it and wrote, “Mi padre es joven.” (My father is young.) The picture next to joven was of a college-aged person. “That’s not quite Daddy, either,” I said. “So what is Daddy?” Ryan asked. “He’s between these two people,” I said. “He’s middle-aged.” “There’s no word for middle-aged here,” Ryan said. “So is he viejo or joven?” Hmmm…

Some days I feel like I’m just a few years out of college and can’t fathom 25 years have passed. In college, I worked in admissions and I remember thinking my boss, who turned 30, was so old. Other days, I feel every bit my age and shake my head when I hear younger people complain about being almost 30. A few weeks ago on Bachelor in Paradise (yes, the Bachelor franchise is my guilty pleasure TV), one of the women actually said, “I am 27 now and am moving treacherously toward 30.” “Treacherously,” I thought. “Unbelievable.” I had to write that one down.

I guess age is relative. You might feel young while spending time with people 10, 20, 30 years older than you are, or while having a fun night out with your friends, but feel ridiculously old around a bunch of 27 year olds complaining about the impending descent into their 30s.

Last year, the boys’ school lost power one day in the spring. They had a backup generator so there was heat. There just wasn’t electricity and this meant no WiFi, which is needed to work the smartboards. Jordan started texting me as soon as it happened.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Why would I pick you up? There’s not an early dismissal.”

“Not yet. There probably will be. Everyone is getting picked up early.”

“I highly doubt everyone has parents who can run out and get them in the middle of the day.”

“Well, there’s no WiFi so we’re not doing anything. I’m bored.”

“Why can’t you learn without WiFi? Back in my day, we had textbooks and chalkboards and we managed to get an education.”

“Your day was a long time ago. School doesn’t work like that anymore.” I could feel his eye roll across the phone.

I couldn’t believe I had just said ‘back in my day’ to my son.

Ryan, tu madre es muy vieja! (Your mother is very old!)

For the record, I did not pick Jordan up early that day 🙂