The List

Tonight, I’ll be flying to Zurich for the week, and I’m reflecting on how much preparation it took to get us ready for this and every business trip  — and why all of that effort is worth it.

I’ve always related to the phrase ‘it takes a village’ when it comes to raising a family, particularly a child with special needs. We are very lucky to have family close by who come after school to help with Ryan’s homework and drive both boys to and from various afternoon activities. Dan’s been in a new job for five months which cut his commute in half, and he’s able to help out much more in the evenings now that he’s home at a decent time. However, like many working moms, I am typically the one bringing the details of our lives together – emailing teachers, figuring out logistics for various extracurricular activities and events, staying on top of homework and forms to sign, making sure gym uniforms and other necessities are packed on the right days, scheduling doctors’ appointments, and planning our weekends.

When you are the primary organizer of your family and you travel for several days, it’s a lot of work to get everyone else in your village ready to take on the load. I will pre-arrange carpools, prepare worksheets for Ryan to practice Spanish, speak to teachers, and do as much laundry as I can so Dan starts with all clean clothes; but what’s needed most is one place that outlines all the details for every member.

A few years ago when I started traveling internationally, I created The List. The List (yes, capitalized given the importance it holds with my family) maps out the days I am gone by morning, after school and evening. It includes what has to be done related to each aspect of the kids’ lives, who will do what, and every phone number and email address the family could possibly need during that time. My parents, Aunt Sue, and Dan anxiously await receiving their copy of The List before I go away. (And my dad, being the supreme list maker in our family, usually goes through it with a fine tooth comb and comes back to me with his own list of questions and corrections. 🙂 )

Six weeks ago, I traveled to Athens. The Athens List was more complex than most because 1) this was the first international trip I’d taken since high school began and therefore, the first List with all of the new high school details; and 2) I was away an entire week including a weekend, which is not typical.  I was also unusually busy leading up to my trip and did not have a chance to finish The List until a few days before leaving. Which led to a little panic.

“You haven’t sent the list yet,” my dad said anxiously after school, two days before my trip. “When will you have it?”  I actually had a printed copy ready and handed it to him.

“Look, it’s 25 pages,” my mom joked. My dad’s eyes lit up with excitement. He grabbed a pen and began reading.

Sue texted me later. “I don’t think I got your email with The List. Can you resend it?”

“I haven’t emailed it yet. Sending now,” I texted back.

Later, Dan sat on the couch and read it, asking questions along the way.

“I think I’m good,” he said. “I can do this.”

That confidence right there is the reason all the preparation is worth it. Because my family was now ready, I could go away and focus on just me. Let me tell you, it is an amazing change of pace to be away for a week and not have to worry about anyone except yourself. It’s kind of like a vacation. (albeit a vacation where you’re working crazy hours and not sleeping very much!) I was seven hours ahead of Philly and could not have gotten involved in the home stuff even if I wanted to, which made it easy to disconnect from the day-to-day. I did not even glance at Ryan’s Google sheet, where his teachers provide updates and tell us what the homework is, and we reply with our questions and concerns. Dan, my parents and Sue had it covered. I did not reply to any home-related emails, knowing Dan would do it. I didn’t look at grades on Schoology – those could wait. I did catch up with Dan and the boys as many days as possible around midnight by FaceTime on all the fun stuff and texted the family often. Ryan is not very into talking on the phone, but he loves social media and commented on all of my posts that week. For example, “Great pictures. I miss you and can’t wait to see the presents you bought me.”

A week is a long time. By Thursday night, I was ready to go home to see everyone. And the big, beautiful smile on Ryan’s face when he and Dan came to pick me up on Friday night was the best welcome home present.

Within 24 hours of returning….

Jordan – “Mom, ads for my show are due on Monday.”

Ryan – “Mommy, I have a Spanish test on Tuesday. When are we going to study this weekend?”

Jordan – “Can you sign this form and write a check for the unity walk? It’s also due Monday.”

Dan – “Ryan doesn’t want to do the unity walk, but his teacher said we should discuss it and let him know Monday. Here’s the form. What do you think?”

Ryan – “Mommy, who’s picking me up from Wings club on Tuesday?”

Dan – “Can you take a look at Ryan’s Google sheet? It looks like he has a grade for a test I don’t remember him ever taking…” 

Ryan – “Mommy, where’s my charger?”

Dan – “Which suits should the boys wear to the Bat Mitzvah tomorrow?”

Ryan – “Where are we having dinner Sunday?”

Ryan – “What are our plans next weekend?”

(These are just a sampling of the many questions and requests!)

Athens, take me away! 

Now it is time to do it all over again. This week’s List was also complex due to multiple activities – some without clear schedules yet – and an overnight theater conference for Jordan. But I think (I hope!) everyone is ready, and I’m so grateful to my family for jumping in once again. Goodbye, wonderful village – see you next weekend!