Beating the Clock

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Today we start week four of the school year, and I still cannot believe Jordan and Ryan are sophomores. It seems so grown up and serves as a reminder the clock is ticking and in less than three years, the boys will be actual adults. My goal this year is to have them take a step toward adulthood by getting themselves out of bed in the morning.It sounds simple, right? However, if you look at my June Then and Now blog post, you’ll see how frustrating the whole wake up routine was.

One day last May, I was complaining to my friend, Nichola, about how much I despise getting up at 5:30. She told me she gets up much later – sometimes 8:00 am – and I asked, “How is that even possible? That’s practically lunchtime given when I wake up!’ 

She said her older two get themselves up and on the middle school bus themselves (her husband is there getting ready for work at that time if they need anything), and she wakes up with her youngest, who is in elementary school.

“They actually make the bus without 25 reminders to get out of bed and hurry up?”

She said they know if they miss the bus, they will be driven late, and they don’t want to miss school and have to make up the work.

Hmmm… I could maybe see the missing class bit working for Jordan, where the being driven consequence would be an incentive for Ryan (he is all about the bus), but I was not sure it would practically work. Meaning, could I follow through and really let them keep sleeping and be late?

The next day, I told the boys how impressed I was that Nichola’s kids got up on their own and said I’d like to try that in September. It felt too late in the school year to start anything new. Jordan didn’t seem very interested, but Ryan was fascinated. “So what happens if they miss the bus?” he kept asking.

Then, “How ‘bout we don’t do that?” I hate my alarm clock – it’s too loud.”

And, when I persisted, saying we would indeed do that, “How ‘bout I miss the bus and just skip school all day? I’d rather stay home and relax anyway.”

“That’s called truancy, and if it happens over and over, Daddy and I could go to jail,” I told him.

His reply – “Well, then I can just live with Sue at the Plaza Apartments in Jenkintown and uber to high school.”

“Sure, Ry,” I thought. “There are so many things wrong with that response, so we’re not going to even justify it with an answer.” 

Summer came, and we woke the boys, except it was later and therefore, much easier. (I do love summer and the extra sleep!) When mid-August rolled around, I ordered two new alarm clocks. The ones they currently owned and never used were very basic, and I wanted them to have a choice of wake-up sounds to make the new routine a little more palatable.

“I don’t want a new clock. I have one,” Ryan said when it arrived.

“And you complained about the noise on that one. Now you have five options so you can pick the sound that doesn’t hurt your ears.” 

The night before the first day, I asked them, “What time are you getting up tomorrow?”

Ryan said 6:00, so I helped him set his alarm. His bus was scheduled to come 6:50, which is 15 minutes later than last year’s bus, but for some reason, he complained about this. In any case, I set my alarm for 5:45 because I did not trust he would wake up on his own.

Jordan said, “Wake me at 6:20.”

“I’m not waking you, remember? Set your alarm,” I told him.

“Oh…this is really a thing?” he asked. I’m not sure where he got the idea this would just go away – I mentioned it regularly throughout the summer and we had the grand presentation of the new clocks a couple weeks ago.

Day 1 – 6:00 am on the dot – I heard Ryan get out of bed. Ten minutes later, he came in my room.

“I’m ready!” he exclaimed, proudly.

And at 6:20 am, Jordan was out of bed and in the bathroom. Clearly a first day fluke, right?

Day 2 – Ryan also was up and dressed right away. Jordan set his alarm for 6:09 (very random, I know) and promptly went back to bed.

“Jordan – your alarm went off – get up!” I called. (So much for letting him be late for school… but in my defense, it was the second day. I can’t let him be late this early in the year.)

“Mgkdjfht,” he mumbled.

“Jordan!”

“I don’t need to get up till 6:20,” he said more coherently, when he got out of bed 10 minutes later.

Then why did you set it for 6:09?”

“I just need time in my bed to slowly wake up.”

That was his strategy and it worked for him, while Ryan wanted to get out of bed right away. He soon decided he preferred his phone alarm to the clock.

Halfway into week two, I was confident I did not need to get up at 5:45 and decided to start pushing my clock time back. The plan was working – I couldn’t believe they were getting up on their own. Wednesday night, I set my alarm for 6:15 am. At 6:10 am on Thursday, Ryan came running in my room.

“Mommy, why aren’t you up?” he asked, clearly bothered by the fact I was still asleep. He began turning on lights. Argh!

“You don’t need me up the whole time you’re getting ready,” I mumbled, still not awake. “I’ll come down while you finish breakfast and wait with you for the bus.”

“No, I want you up!” he exclaimed. “I like when you’re getting dressed when I’m getting dressed, and when you make your bed while I make my bed.”

“But we’re doing those things separately,” I said. “Maybe you can pretend I’m getting dressed while you’re getting dressed.”

“Mommy, no, I don’t want to pretend. I like knowing we’re doing the same thing and then you’re ready and can sit with me while I eat breakfast and wait with me for the bus. I like when you’re there.”

Hmmm… I had anticipated the boys potentially sleeping through the alarms and going back to old habits. I hadn’t counted on Ryan actually taking responsibility for waking up on his own but still wanting me around for company throughout the process. That’s kind of sweet.

While the initial benefit of doing this was for me to get more sleep, the overall goal was to make them more independent, which is actually happening. Ryan and Jordan continued to be responsible for their alarms throughout week 3 when I was away. Dan told me when I came home on Friday, “The boys didn’t even need me to get them up. They were fabulous.” As I think again about that ticking clock and the three short years left of school, I know I should take advantage of whatever time they want to spend with me. Even if it’s at 6:00 in the morning!

Then and Now

The countdown has begun. Jordan informed me there are 11 actual days of school left for him, including finals. Apparently, if they do not have a final, they can stay home that day.

The year seemed endless back in September, but once we got into a routine, it actually flew by. I started thinking about how many things had changed since my Welcome to High School blog post, along with what had not changed at all, and decided to dedicate this last blog of the 2018-2019 school year to ‘then vs now.’

Waking up

Then

Getting up at 5:30 am seemed inhumane. We were exhausted all the time, and it was impossible to get the kids going at that hour. I was catching colds constantly from lack of sleep. People told us we would get used to it before long.

Now

Waking up at 5:30 is still ridiculous. Dan and I do manage to go to bed earlier, and I don’t get as many colds these days, but mornings are remain a mad rush. Here’s an example from two weeks ago:

Me: “Ryan, it’s 6:15! You’re still in bed and we woke you 45 minutes ago. The bus is coming in 15 minutes!”

Ryan: “I don’t want to get up. How ‘bout I just skip school today? I hate Mondays.

Dan: “How ‘bout we drive you to school the rest of the year?” (Ryan loves taking the bus.)

Ryan: “Never mind, I’m up.”

Me: “Jordan it’s 6:00. Get out of bed.”

Jordan: “mfjdsbedhx” (incoherent mumbling)

Me: “Jordan it’s 6:15. Wake up!”

Jordan: “I’m up.”

Me: “You are not up. Your eyes are barely open. Get up and start moving.”

Jordan: “Okay, okay.”

(5 min later) Me: “Jordan! You’re still sleeping!”

Jordan: “No I’m not. Mfjfjd…”

Dan: “JORDAN, GET UP NOW!”

Jordan “Why are you yelling? This is the first time you told me to wake up!”

I mean, does he think this is a picnic for me? I am hardly a morning person.

The only one who actually seems to have adjusted to waking up in the 5s is Dan. Even when the boys had school closing days, he voluntarily and happily continued to get up that early. Like it’s something he is okay doing for the long-term. I have said more than once that none of us is waking up in the 5s this summer. 6:30 is much more reasonable. Whenever Dan wakes up, he’s kind of loud and it automatically wakes me, too, so we need to all embrace this no 5s thing in order for it to work. Are you reading this, Dan? Mom needs a break from the 5s!

Homework

Then

I was very stressed trying to figure out what Ryan had to do each night given the multiple places we needed to search (Schoology, Google Chrome, 10 folders, etc.) to get answers. There also was quite a bit more work than in middle school, which was an adjustment. Jordan had a rude awakening when he realized – after three years of getting his homework done during Advisory (i.e. study hall) – he would have to do homework on nights and weekends.

Now

For the most part, everyone (teachers and family members doing homework with Ryan) uses the Google doc I created to communicate. I don’t check the other sources and trust that all of the information we need will be there. Ryan’s workload also eased up after a couple of meetings where we had good discussions with his teachers about what he could handle after a long day of school and how to modify some of the assignments. And Jordan figured out how to balance schoolwork and activities/fun. Which brings me to…

Activities

Then

Jordan had identified several activities he wanted to join which were major time commitments (along with requiring lots of parental driving to and from school). Ryan didn’t want to join any activities that needed a pick up after school, as he was set on taking the bus home. The bus is his routine.

Now

Jordan is ending the year with three school shows under his belt, along with participating in concert and select chorus, two evening vocal recitals, a few in school concerts, and a spot in next year’s a cappella group (not to mention Confirmation, Friendship Circle volunteer and private voice and piano lessons). My mom and I often joke that with all the time spent rehearsing for various events, he should have a bed at the high school. However, joking aside, this year has enabled him to solidify his love of all things music and theater, and he thankfully made many upperclassmen friends who were kind enough to give him rides to and from events a lot of the time. As grateful as I am for that, I’m ready for a break from the logistics involved with all of it!

Ryan surprised us by agreeing to attend Wings club each month. This club pairs neurotypical students with students who have autism to participate together in various activities – for example, attending basketball games, playing kickball, cooking, doing art projects, and raising money for charities. He also – to our even bigger surprise – enjoyed Sparkle Squad. Sparkle Squad is a similar group that pairs special needs students with cheerleaders, who teach them routines to perform at various basketball games. He went to the first practice very reluctantly and had a good time. Then he protested about going weekly, so we compromised on every other week at first. By the end of the season, he was attending most practices.

Gym

Then

Jordan was set on never missing gym or forgetting his uniform/swim trunks. Either of these things meant he would have to make up gym during zero period – some ungodly hour we luckily never had to face.

Now

Neither boy had to make up gym this year. By some miracle, the days they missed school were on non-gym days. Jordan admitted he forgot his swim trunks once, but someone helped him out (eww… and I don’t want to know more). He is just as set on never missing gym or forgetting his uniform or trunks next year.

Looking ahead

We had a nice taste of summer this past weekend when – for the first time in I don’t know how long – it was warm and sunny most of the weekend. Eleven school days until it’s officially summer vacation! I’m ready to trade time spent helping with homework to time spent doing daily loads of laundry containing swim trunks and towels. (especially since I plan to make the boys do some of it!) I’m ready for a break from organizing extracurricular activity logistics. And, I’m more than ready to wake up when it’s light outside!

Happy Summer!

January Reflections

Happy New Year!

I’m not a big fan of January, other than January 1st. It’s cold, it’s dreary, and there are months of winter and snow still ahead of us. I’ve been reflecting this weekend on some of the (unrelated) things happening during this ‘fun’ month.

Starting with school (or lack of it) — After a hectic December, we are back in the swing of things and slowly easing into the year. Week 1, of course, was a three-day week since New Year’s Day was that Tuesday, and we all appreciated how quickly the weekend came. Week 2 (last week) was tough, given it was the first five-day week since break. However, almost anticipating how difficult it would be for the students, the schools had an early dismissal on Friday. Thank goodness for that. This week is really the first full week and Ryan, especially, is not loving it. Cue the typical Monday morning complaints and fights to get out of bed and move quickly in order to make the bus.

But have no fear, Ry – Martin Luther King day is only a week away, followed by three 2-4 hour days for midterms at the end of the month and another early dismissal on Feb. 1! Then, there is the random Tuesday off for all students the following week. When you add up the actual full days of school over the next four weeks, and figure there will likely also be some sort of snow event in that timeframe, it’s kind of a dream month for students. (not so much for parents!)

On top of all this, I kicked off the New Year with minor foot surgery. Leading up to the surgery, I had several doctor’s appointments to make sure I was fit enough to withstand general anesthesia for all of 30 minutes. Each appointment required putting on a gown. I am sure many of you have worn a gown in a doctor’s office or hospital at some point in your lives. I’ve never really given gowns much thought, but putting them on four different times in a three week period got me grumbling about how terribly they are made. The ties do not align with each other – the right side string is often way above the corresponding left side string and they don’t stay tied very well, so I ended up just holding the two sides together while waiting for the doctor or technician.

When I was at my third appointment, I commented on the terrible gowns when the doctor walked in, to which she replied (I think she was actually a little hurt), “Really? Ours are good compared to others.”

“But, look,” I showed her how I tied it and then got up to demonstrate the ties coming apart. “If they were aligned better, this would stay together.”

“Yes,” she replied. “That’s just how they’re made.” So how exactly are yours better than others?

When I got to the surgical center last Friday, the nurse was excited to give me a gown that tied in the back.

“This is so much better than having to hold two sides together. Those gowns are awful,” she said. A kindred spirit.

It was great until I had to get up and walk down the hall and realized I needed to awkwardly hold the back together with one hand so I didn’t expose myself to the rest of the patients and staff.

There has to be a better way! Maybe other areas of the country have gowns that are more practically made and it’s just here? If not, someone should invent one – perhaps with buttons. I’m not a clothing designer at all, but I can just envision the Shark Tank pitch – “Hi Sharks, I’m Jodi from the Philadelphia area and my company is called Glamour Gowns. I’m seeking a $200,000 investment in exchange for 10% of my company. Sharks, we’ve all been to doctor’s appointments where we had to put on those awful gowns that either don’t stay tied in the front or reveal too much in the back. Patients are nervous enough when they are getting tests done or having surgery performed – they do not also need to worry about exposing themselves. Wouldn’t it be great if they could wear well-made gowns to help them feel more comfortable going into these situations? Enter Glamour gowns to the rescue…”

Yes, I’ve been watching a lot of TV while recovering from surgery, including several Shark Tank episodes. 🙂 (Sidebar 1: If you are a clothing designer and think I’m on to something, let’s talk!) (Sidebar 2: If you want suggestions on movies or TV series to binge watch, I am happy to share my list.)

Speaking of apparel, the surgery went well and I’m now hobbling around in a very hip ortho shoe – the two Velcro straps make it especially fashionable. After the procedure, my foot was swollen and wrapped tightly, so I could not get a sock over it. I just wore the Velcro shoe when I needed to walk.  By last Thursday, I was walking better, the swelling had gone down a bit, and I needed to get to a drug store. I was feeling ready to attempt driving again – it’s the left foot so all I had to do was get in the car and the right foot would do the rest of the work. I managed to get the big sea-green colored hospital sock on and was so excited at the thought of leaving the house for the first time in a week that I didn’t notice until I got to the store how much that sock clashed with the sock on the other foot. My feet looked ridiculous. 🙂

Today, I get my stitches out and move into a new ortho shoe – the doctor described it as a sandal (which should be interesting in this balmy 30+ degree weather with winds in the 20s). Look out, world – I will be rocking the ortho sandal with socks in a matter of hours!

Finally, on to topic #3, I’ve been thinking a lot lately (along with most of Philly) about the Eagles and cheering them on during what was an exciting playoff season. Playoffs (when your team is in them) are probably the only good thing about January.

Back in November, after our embarrassing loss to the Saints, I took the boys to the eye doctor. Jordan and I were in the waiting room talking about the game and Ryan said, “Mommy, I want to go to the Eagles parade this year.” (I purposely did not take him last year because I thought the crowds would be too much for him. I still do.)

“There’s only a parade if they win the Super Bowl, Ry. At this point, it’s not very likely they will get to the Super Bowl.”

“Yeah, it’s not happening,” said Jordan, glumly. “If they make the playoffs, it will be a miracle.”

“But Mommy, I want them to win the Super Bowl. Tell them to do that,” Ryan said, in typical Ryan fashion where he thinks I control everything. (See Weathering the Storm for more on this.)

“Ryan, it’s not up to me. They’re just not playing like they did last year. It’s very rare to get to the Super Bowl and win it, and we had a great year last year.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get to go to the parade, so I want to go this year.”

Sigh…

A man sitting across the waiting room, clearly eavesdropping, interjected, “Well, they could get to the playoffs if…” [insert all of the things that had to happen for the Eagles to make it.]

“Mommy, see? Tell the Eagles to do what that man said.”

OMG. Thank you, random person, for your unwanted contributions to our conversation.

Fast forward two months and it actually happened. We made the playoffs. Nick Foles and the team did it and everyone had Eagles fever. We were on the edge of our seats last weekend when the Eagles beat the Bears (#DoubleDoink) and again this week where, unfortunately, our road to the Super Bowl came to an end as we lost to the Saints once again. (And we had to listen to Ryan during the entire game whining, “I want them to win, Mommy. Go tell them to win!”) However, they gave it their best shot, and we’re so proud of the team. I guess we just have to find something else to get us through the next three weeks of this very long month!

 

Walking in their shoes

“I’m exhausted. We need to get to sleep now,” Dan said. It was 9:30pm last Thursday.

“What a tiring night,” I chimed in, throwing things from the bed to the floor, swallowing two Advil to stop the pounding headache, and eagerly anticipating sleep — hopefully more than the 6.5 hours we seemed to be getting these days.

Why were we unusually cranky and tired? We had just returned from our first high school back to school night, where we had the chance to walk – and run – in our boys’ shoes.

But before I share the details of that, let’s rewind to earlier that evening. We were trying to quickly get through dinner so we could be at the school on time. Dan was in a good mood, chatting away, but I had mentally and physically hit a wall after a long week, and it was hard to concentrate. Dan was talking about something related to Mexico – at least I thought he was – but Ryan kept interrupting with questions every few minutes.

“They found one that was the link between reptiles and birds,” Dan said.

“Found what in Mexico?” I asked, half listening.

“An avian dinosaur…and it was in China,” he replied. 

Huh? When did we start talking about dinosaurs and China? Clearly I had lost track of the conversation a while back.

I went upstairs to replace my sandals with boots, since it was cooler outside by that point, and decided to lie down for a few minutes.

“Shouldn’t we go?” Dan yelled up the stairs after some time.

“Coming!” I called back weakly. I was in serious danger of falling asleep in a class. If that happens, maybe I’ll get a parent detention. Is that a thing? And if so, can you sleep during detention? It sounded heavenly.

Ryan was playing wii and Jordan was on his phone when we left. “We should really get you guys exercising more,” I suggested. “Look at the neighbors, always tossing a ball outside.”

“I’m tired,” Ryan said. “I don’t want to exercise.”

“We need our down time,” Jordan agreed.

From there, our night began.

7:00 — Once we arrived at the performing arts center (referred to as PAC) for the obligatory introductory speeches and were handed maps of the school, I suddenly woke up. I realized we were all the way on one side of the school and according to the map, we had minutes to get to homeroom, which was on the opposite side and up a flight of stairs. From homeroom, Dan and I would be splitting up and each following a different boy’s schedule. Each class was eight minutes, with five minutes in between to get to the next class.

7:20 — The bell rang. “We have to jet,” I said to Dan.

But there would be no jetting. We got into the hall and encountered a wall to wall traffic jam of people. Waving to other parents we knew, we made our way down the hall in a painfully slow manner.

“This is ridiculous. Why doesn’t anyone move?” I complained.

“It’s like this every year,” one of the parents said.

By the time the hall finally cleared, we still had half the school to get through in order to find the boys’ homeroom.

“Come on!” I called to Dan, who was really lagging behind.

“I’m tired,” he grumbled. “Where did your second wind come from?”

“We’re late. Can’t you go any faster?” I was power walking through the gym and up stairs.

Grunts and various choice words came from behind me.

7:35 — Finally, we reached homeroom and collapsed into two seats. We saw a couple we hadn’t talked to in awhile and hugged hello.

“I didn’t know the boys were in homeroom together!” I said.

“Homeroom? This is first period,” the mom said.

What?? We quickly found their homeroom teacher, got their schedules and started sprinting toward the next class. I was going to Jordan’s English class and Dan to science for Ryan.

7:40 –– I made it right on time to English and found a seat next to a couple I knew well from middle school theater.

“This is crazy!” I said to the mom, catching my breath. I was regretting my decision to put on cute boots. Sneakers would have made this much easier.

“Imagine the kids doing this all day with their 10 pound backpacks,” she said. “They don’t ever go to their lockers.”

Jordan had told me this. He said he doesn’t have time, especially since his locker is nowhere near any of his classes.

7:48 — After English, I went down the hall and the stairs to Spanish and texted Jordan about the insanity of how big the school is and how impressed I was that he gets anywhere on time. My wrist had buzzed by that point signaling I hit 10,000 steps for the day. 

8:01 —  From Spanish, I went all the way back to PAC for chorus. At that point, I could have used a bathroom break but I’d probably end up missing half of the next class if I went looking for a ladies room. In chorus, I sat next to a dad who told me gleefully this was his last back to school night. His child was a senior. I told him it was my first at this school.

“Sorry to hear that,” he said sincerely. “It’ll be over soon, though, and then you don’t have to think about it again until next year.”

8:14 — After chorus, it was back in the other direction to social studies. I was sweating a little and decided I should have taken five minutes to change after work because the long sleeve blouse I had on was not very conducive to all this movement. No wonder my boys wear t-shirts well into Fall.

(Side note: Yes, in between all this running around, the teachers did share a little about themselves and the curriculum!)

8:28 — I saw Dan in the hall as I was walking from social studies to math.

“Where do I go?” he asked. “I’m lost,” he said.

He showed me Ryan’s schedule, which indicated he had social studies next and the same teacher as Jordan. However, Ryan had written a different room number on his schedule than Jordan did. Thinking it was probably a mistake, I showed Dan Jordan’s room number and sent him on his way.

8:32 — My phone buzzed as soon as Jordan’s math teacher began talking. It was Dan with rapid fire texts:

“Ugh. ok, so Ryan’s social studies teacher is not there, where do I go?”

So lost. I’m just in the hall”

“Wandering”

I texted back, “Maybe Ryan had the correct room after all. Try that one.”

My phone buzzed – Dan again with lots of texts:

“He is not there”

“Another teacher is”

“I have no idea where I am”

“I’m outside the PAC”

“I guess I’ll wait”

“Till 6th period”

“I’ve never felt more lost”

“And rushed”

“I’ll wait”

I had missed most of what the math teacher said.

“Trying to listen,” I texted back. “Will meet you at the front when this is over.” I put my phone away.

8:40 Off to science. My phone buzzed again as I was walking – this time, with a notification from Fitbit. Overachiever. You have exceeded your step goal by 2500 steps.

8:53 — Back to PAC for the last class of the day, theater, where I knew several parents.

“I saw Dan in the hall having a mini meltdown,” one of them joked. It turns out Dan never found Ryan’s last period class, either.

Hmmm… Dan’s ability to find his way around while tired needs a little work if we ever make it on The Amazing Race. (Random side note: Whenever I watch the final episode of an Amazing Race season, I picture us on it one day running to the finish line as the first place winners.)

When the bell rang, I rushed out of the theater to find Dan. He looked a little worse for wear, but was relieved to see me.

“Next year, maybe we can just stay together and do one of the schedules,” he suggested.

During the car ride home, we marveled at Ryan’s ability to seamlessly navigate the school despite how overwhelming it probably is for him with all of those people. And how hard it must be for both of them to carry heavy book bags all day. Not to mention all of those different teachers and subjects. Of course we had experienced their schedule on steroids as the boys don’t change classes every eight minutes, but the evening did give me a small taste of what it’s like to be in their shoes. My second wind was gone. I felt a headache coming on, and the week officially had caught up with me.

“That. Was. Exhausting.” I said to Jordan when we got home. “Look,” I showed him my fit bit. “I’m at almost 15,000 steps!”

“Now you see how much walking I do,” he replied. “So when you think I’m not exercising, remember tonight.”

Touché!

Welcome to high school

The start of anything new can often be confusing and overwhelming. We’ve only had seven actual days of high school so far, but with everything we’ve navigated during that time, it seems like we should be well into the year by now.

Let’s begin with the mornings. High school starts at 7:23 am, so we initially set our alarm for 5:45 am to make a 6:43 am bus. Waking up daily with a 5 on the clock is a hard adjustment. It’s dark. It feels so early. I am exhausted all day (caffeine intake has doubled). Now, they did tell us at orientation to let our teens wake up on their own as they are old enough to use an alarm and should be responsible for themselves. I don’t think they’ve met my boys, who sleep through alarms, through the light Dan turns on when he tells them it’s time to get up, through my second wake up call to them 10 minutes after that… therefore, Dan and I will be getting up in the fives for now.

Once he is up, Ryan is extremely motivated to be ready on time for his bus (which comes right to our house) and plans his morning routine so he make it. However, on Thursday, the bus never came. After it was 10 minutes late, we called transportation, who informed us the bus actually did arrive, waited, and left when no one came out.

“What time did the bus get here?” Dan asked, confused, as Ryan is never late.

“6:35,” the person on the phone told him.

What??? Apparently, transportation arbitrarily decided to change Ryan’s pick up time because 6:43 did not give the bus driver enough time to pick up all of the kids. Dan politely told them it would have been nice to know this, especially given Ryan’s anxiety when the bus never showed. (To their credit, they sent a van to get him right away that day.) We are now getting up at 5:35 am to make this new bus time.

Moving on to gym… Despite us telling Jordan to get to bed early, he cannot seem to fall asleep before 10:00. On Thursday, Jordan came home with a cold and low-grade fever, which I attributed to his lack of sleep.

“If I still have a fever tomorrow, I want to go. But you can pick me up after third period, which is gym,” he said.

Yes, you read that correctly. Jordan was planning his day around gym. On Wednesday, we had received a note from the gym teacher letting us know if a student misses gym because of an absence or because they forget their uniform or swimsuit (9th grade boys take swimming the first half of the year), they have to make up the period. Now I am all for physical fitness and I think my boys could use a lot more of it, but make up an entire gym class?

Our options for gym make-ups are: during a study hall (neither boy has a study hall this year); during an extension period (which happens once or twice a month – I don’t really understand this part of the schedule yet); or – wait for it – at 6:25 in the morning during zero period (don’t even ask what that is)! As you can imagine, none of us want to wake up any earlier, so we are all extremely motivated to make sure Jordan and Ryan are in gym and prepared for it with their swim trunks. Of course Ryan has gym on A and C days and Jordan on B and E days. These letters actually coincide with different days each week, but I’ve been on top of it for the last seven days. I think that’s worthy of a high five or a cheers to Mom moment. (Ok, being realistic, I’m taking bets for how long it is until we lose track of the schedule and someone forgets his trunks!)

Jordan has also experienced culture shock where homework is concerned. This is a kid who I don’t think cracked a book at home during his entire middle school career (he managed to get his work done at school each day), yet got great grades, so I couldn’t complain. Now he comes home and works for hours. Last Wednesday, he had an orthodontist appointment after school, followed by a school theater meeting in the early evening. He was visibly stressed about not having time to do his homework.

“We’ll be home from the theater meeting before 7. You have all night,” I told him.

“Do homework at night?” he gasped, horrified.

“Welcome to high school,” I said.

The orthodontist said Jordan could get his braces off in eight weeks. However, since he would have to miss school if he did that, he is choosing to wait an additional two weeks so he can get them off on a half day. Wow. If someone told me a few months ago my son would voluntarily delay getting his braces off so he could be in school all day, I would never have believed them.

Despite the homework stress, Jordan has identified multiple activities he wants to join, which are all extensive time commitments. On the one hand, it makes me happy he wants to get involved, but on the other hand, of course I’m stressing out about it from a scheduling perspective.

Finally, let’s talk about Ryan’s classes. This is the first year where Ryan has had a different teacher or aide with him for nearly every class. He takes three classes in the autistic support room in the morning and is mainstreamed with an aide for four classes in the afternoon. That means there is no one consistent individual who can answer our questions – and we’ve had many. Most had to do with the homework – where to find it and what Ryan actually has to do or study vs the rest of the class as many of his classes are modified.

The district has a portal called Schoology, where teachers post assignments and students can work on them and turn them in. On a few days, when my parents or my aunt were with Ryan after school, they would help him do the Schoology assignments. We would then learn he should have been doing a modified assignment, which could be found in one of many possible locations – in Google classroom, in his email, or in one of his seven folders in his schoolbag. Also, some of the assignments listed on Schoology were actually done in class, but that wasn’t made clear.

You’re probably thinking, why don’t you ask Ryan what he has to do? We’ve tried. Example conversations:

“Ryan, what do you have to do for this Spanish poem project?”

“I don’t know.”

“You were there. How do you not know?”

“It was a few hours ago. I forget. I don’t want to think about school anymore.”

Or

“Ryan, it looks like you changed your Google password. What is it?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Well, we can’t get into your account and do homework if you don’t remember.”

“Good, I don’t want to do homework. It was a long day and I want to relax.”

Between all of the e-mails to various teachers trying to make sense of everything, and with one project due last week and two quizzes this coming week, I was pulling my hair out by Thursday night. I started thinking about how we could make this process less complicated. What we needed was one document everyone could access on a daily basis to let us know 1) what Ryan did in class; 2) what his homework is for that day; and 3) where to find it. In that same document, Dan and I (or any family member working with Ryan) could ask questions and the appropriate teacher or aide could answer.

Since every teacher works with Ryan on his Chromebook (similar to a laptop) at some point during the day, I decided to create a Google document (doc) for all of us to use. Dan and I can also easily log in at any time to update it and see what’s been added. The intent is for this to be the first place we look for information, and Ryan’s teachers can direct us to other sites from the Google doc, as needed.

Dan, who has never used Google docs, was amazed as he logged in on his phone and watched me updating the doc from Ryan’s Chromebook in real time. (Cue song, “A Whole New World.” Seriously, if you’ve never used Google docs, it makes working on a project with multiple people so much easier.)

I sent the doc to one of Ryan’s aides and his autistic support teacher and they loved it. Ryan’s aide added a table to make it even easier to follow, and when Ryan came home on Friday, it was filled in and questions were answered. Whoo hoo! We had a solution!

Friday night around 10:00, Dan found me in bed, about to pass out.

You look exhausted,” he said. “Do you want me to turn out the light?”

“If we put on something good on TV, I can probably rally till 10:30,” I told him.

Yep, it was a wild Friday night in the Singer house. And we haven’t even had a full week of getting up in the fives yet. Imagine how fun I’ll be after one of those!

Only 66 schools days until winter break!

X Days

Now that we’re past Memorial Day weekend, the end of the school year is quickly approaching. I’m eagerly anticipating a break from homework, tests, permission slips, driving, driving and more driving to and from activities…and X days. 

What are X days? Well, before I explain, think back to a less complex time period when you were in school and had specials. You probably had a day of the week assigned to each special – for example, art on Mondays, gym on Tuesdays, and so on. When there was a holiday or school closing – like MLK Day on a Monday – you just skipped art that week and moved on to gym the next day when you returned to school. Your parents could easily remember which special went with which day and help you accordingly. (eg “It’s Wednesday, so remember to put your library book in your school bag!”)

Fast forward to elementary school for my boys. Four specials – art, music, library and gym – were assigned A, B, C or D days. You might ask, “But aren’t there are 5 days in a week? How does that work?” Like this:

Week 1

Monday Art (A)
Tuesday Gym (B)
Wednesday Library (C)
Thursday Music (D)
Friday Art (A)

Week 2

Monday Gym (B)
Tuesday Library (C)
Wednesday Music (D)
Thursday Art (A)
Friday Gym (B)

And when there was a day off for whatever reason, the special just moved to the next school day. It took time to get used to it, but elementary school lasted six years, so we did. Sixth and seventh grade in middle school had a similar type of schedule.

Then Jordan and Ryan entered 8th grade and their school decided to try something new. Students could select one allied arts class (art, music, chorus, etc.) to take two out of four days, with gym and health occuring on the other two days.

A couple of months into the school year, I thought I was finally into the rhythm of Ryan’s schedule – chorus, health, chorus, gym, repeat. I needed to stay on top of this because Ryan sometimes did not remember what special he had and I didn’t want him to get marked unprepared if he forgot his gym uniform. For some reason, Ryan chose to bring his uniform home for me to wash after every gym day. (it’s not at all smelly as he doesn’t exert much effort in gym). I suggested he leave it in his locker and bring it home once a month, but he prefered having it cleaned each week. We even purchased a second uniform to just leave at school so I didn’t have to worry about remembering to send one in, but then both were sent home together and I had no idea which one was actually worn that week. (On the opposite end of the spectrum, Jordan’s uniform came home for the first time over winter break, but we won’t go there.)

Fast forward to late October. The weekend before I was leaving on a business trip, I prepared a list for Dan with what he needed to know about each day I’d be away; the list included which day Ryan had gym and needed his uniform. In this case, it was Tuesday.

When I returned home on Friday, my conversation with Ryan and Jordan went something like this:

“Mommy, you forgot to pack my gym uniform on Wednesday,” Ryan told me after we hugged hello.

“Ry, I wasn’t even here. And you had gym Tuesday, which is when Daddy packed it.  You didn’t have gym Wed.”

“I did. I had it both days.”

“How could you have it both days?”

“Because Wednesday was an X day,” Jordan jumped in.

Huh?

“A what day?”

“An X day,” he repeated patiently.

OMG “What is an X day?” I asked, shaking my head.

“It comes after D days. So you have A, B, C, D and then X.”

Right. That sounds completely logical to me.

“So he has gym twice now?”

“No,” Jordan explained slowly as if I was a child. “There’s Xa, Xb, Xc and Xd and they rotate. So this week was Xd, which means he had gym, but next week is an Xa so he has chorus. The X days are for kids who want to take an instrument or chorus, but only do that once a week instead of twice.”

I decided I might need a PhD to follow this and wondered how long this schedule had been in place.

“All year,” Jordan shared when I asked that question.

WHAT??

Clearly I missed an email or form explaining this. Which means I probably messed up gym before and just wasn’t aware. Great.

“So explain this to me again, Jord?”

“Here, let me write it out for you,” Jordan said helpfully and proceeded to make a calendar with ABCDXaABCDXb and so on to help me over the next month. At some point during the first week, the calendar disappeared, like many papers in our house often do. We redid it a few times and then I just gave up.

I feel like I do pretty well at keeping up with this type of stuff (or at least do well at faking it!), but I knew this was a losing battle. It was just not happening. Like The Gambler, you’ve gotta “Know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run…

And so I folded and sent the following note in to his teacher (Disclaimer: this is not actually what I sent, but it was what I was thinking!)

Dear Ryan’s teacher,

Since Ryan is not the least bit athletic and likely puts forth minimal effort in gym, please keep his gym uniform at school as long as possible. When it does need to be sent home, please send it on a Friday. I can then wash it over the weekend and return it on Monday. It can then stay in his locker until his gym day, as I have no idea when he has gym and probably never will. Thanks so much!

Recently, Jordan informed me the schedule in high school is a little more complicated and includes Block Days. Can’t wait!

(Note: When my husband, Dan was reading a draft of this post, he said, “I’ve never even heard of X Days.” Given it’s late May, I now feel much more on top of things having found out about X Days in October! 🙂 )