Beating the Clock

Today we start week four of the school year, and I still cannot believe Jordan and Ryan are sophomores. It seems so grown up and serves as a reminder the clock is ticking and in less than three years, the boys will be actual adults. My goal this year is to have them take a step toward adulthood by getting themselves out of bed in the morning.It sounds simple, right? However, if you look at my June Then and Now blog post, you’ll see how frustrating the whole wake up routine was.

One day last May, I was complaining to my friend, Nichola, about how much I despise getting up at 5:30. She told me she gets up much later – sometimes 8:00 am – and I asked, “How is that even possible? That’s practically lunchtime given when I wake up!’ 

She said her older two get themselves up and on the middle school bus themselves (her husband is there getting ready for work at that time if they need anything), and she wakes up with her youngest, who is in elementary school.

“They actually make the bus without 25 reminders to get out of bed and hurry up?”

She said they know if they miss the bus, they will be driven late, and they don’t want to miss school and have to make up the work.

Hmmm… I could maybe see the missing class bit working for Jordan, where the being driven consequence would be an incentive for Ryan (he is all about the bus), but I was not sure it would practically work. Meaning, could I follow through and really let them keep sleeping and be late?

The next day, I told the boys how impressed I was that Nichola’s kids got up on their own and said I’d like to try that in September. It felt too late in the school year to start anything new. Jordan didn’t seem very interested, but Ryan was fascinated. “So what happens if they miss the bus?” he kept asking.

Then, “How ‘bout we don’t do that?” I hate my alarm clock – it’s too loud.”

And, when I persisted, saying we would indeed do that, “How ‘bout I miss the bus and just skip school all day? I’d rather stay home and relax anyway.”

“That’s called truancy, and if it happens over and over, Daddy and I could go to jail,” I told him.

His reply – “Well, then I can just live with Sue at the Plaza Apartments in Jenkintown and uber to high school.”

“Sure, Ry,” I thought. “There are so many things wrong with that response, so we’re not going to even justify it with an answer.” 

Summer came, and we woke the boys, except it was later and therefore, much easier. (I do love summer and the extra sleep!) When mid-August rolled around, I ordered two new alarm clocks. The ones they currently owned and never used were very basic, and I wanted them to have a choice of wake-up sounds to make the new routine a little more palatable.

“I don’t want a new clock. I have one,” Ryan said when it arrived.

“And you complained about the noise on that one. Now you have five options so you can pick the sound that doesn’t hurt your ears.” 

The night before the first day, I asked them, “What time are you getting up tomorrow?”

Ryan said 6:00, so I helped him set his alarm. His bus was scheduled to come 6:50, which is 15 minutes later than last year’s bus, but for some reason, he complained about this. In any case, I set my alarm for 5:45 because I did not trust he would wake up on his own.

Jordan said, “Wake me at 6:20.”

“I’m not waking you, remember? Set your alarm,” I told him.

“Oh…this is really a thing?” he asked. I’m not sure where he got the idea this would just go away – I mentioned it regularly throughout the summer and we had the grand presentation of the new clocks a couple weeks ago.

Day 1 – 6:00 am on the dot – I heard Ryan get out of bed. Ten minutes later, he came in my room.

“I’m ready!” he exclaimed, proudly.

And at 6:20 am, Jordan was out of bed and in the bathroom. Clearly a first day fluke, right?

Day 2 – Ryan also was up and dressed right away. Jordan set his alarm for 6:09 (very random, I know) and promptly went back to bed.

“Jordan – your alarm went off – get up!” I called. (So much for letting him be late for school… but in my defense, it was the second day. I can’t let him be late this early in the year.)

“Mgkdjfht,” he mumbled.

“Jordan!”

“I don’t need to get up till 6:20,” he said more coherently, when he got out of bed 10 minutes later.

Then why did you set it for 6:09?”

“I just need time in my bed to slowly wake up.”

That was his strategy and it worked for him, while Ryan wanted to get out of bed right away. He soon decided he preferred his phone alarm to the clock.

Halfway into week two, I was confident I did not need to get up at 5:45 and decided to start pushing my clock time back. The plan was working – I couldn’t believe they were getting up on their own. Wednesday night, I set my alarm for 6:15 am. At 6:10 am on Thursday, Ryan came running in my room.

“Mommy, why aren’t you up?” he asked, clearly bothered by the fact I was still asleep. He began turning on lights. Argh!

“You don’t need me up the whole time you’re getting ready,” I mumbled, still not awake. “I’ll come down while you finish breakfast and wait with you for the bus.”

“No, I want you up!” he exclaimed. “I like when you’re getting dressed when I’m getting dressed, and when you make your bed while I make my bed.”

“But we’re doing those things separately,” I said. “Maybe you can pretend I’m getting dressed while you’re getting dressed.”

“Mommy, no, I don’t want to pretend. I like knowing we’re doing the same thing and then you’re ready and can sit with me while I eat breakfast and wait with me for the bus. I like when you’re there.”

Hmmm… I had anticipated the boys potentially sleeping through the alarms and going back to old habits. I hadn’t counted on Ryan actually taking responsibility for waking up on his own but still wanting me around for company throughout the process. That’s kind of sweet.

While the initial benefit of doing this was for me to get more sleep, the overall goal was to make them more independent, which is actually happening. Ryan and Jordan continued to be responsible for their alarms throughout week 3 when I was away. Dan told me when I came home on Friday, “The boys didn’t even need me to get them up. They were fabulous.” As I think again about that ticking clock and the three short years left of school, I know I should take advantage of whatever time they want to spend with me. Even if it’s at 6:00 in the morning!

X Days

Now that we’re past Memorial Day weekend, the end of the school year is quickly approaching. I’m eagerly anticipating a break from homework, tests, permission slips, driving, driving and more driving to and from activities…and X days. 

What are X days? Well, before I explain, think back to a less complex time period when you were in school and had specials. You probably had a day of the week assigned to each special – for example, art on Mondays, gym on Tuesdays, and so on. When there was a holiday or school closing – like MLK Day on a Monday – you just skipped art that week and moved on to gym the next day when you returned to school. Your parents could easily remember which special went with which day and help you accordingly. (eg “It’s Wednesday, so remember to put your library book in your school bag!”)

Fast forward to elementary school for my boys. Four specials – art, music, library and gym – were assigned A, B, C or D days. You might ask, “But aren’t there are 5 days in a week? How does that work?” Like this:

Week 1

Monday Art (A)
Tuesday Gym (B)
Wednesday Library (C)
Thursday Music (D)
Friday Art (A)

Week 2

Monday Gym (B)
Tuesday Library (C)
Wednesday Music (D)
Thursday Art (A)
Friday Gym (B)

And when there was a day off for whatever reason, the special just moved to the next school day. It took time to get used to it, but elementary school lasted six years, so we did. Sixth and seventh grade in middle school had a similar type of schedule.

Then Jordan and Ryan entered 8th grade and their school decided to try something new. Students could select one allied arts class (art, music, chorus, etc.) to take two out of four days, with gym and health occuring on the other two days.

A couple of months into the school year, I thought I was finally into the rhythm of Ryan’s schedule – chorus, health, chorus, gym, repeat. I needed to stay on top of this because Ryan sometimes did not remember what special he had and I didn’t want him to get marked unprepared if he forgot his gym uniform. For some reason, Ryan chose to bring his uniform home for me to wash after every gym day. (it’s not at all smelly as he doesn’t exert much effort in gym). I suggested he leave it in his locker and bring it home once a month, but he prefered having it cleaned each week. We even purchased a second uniform to just leave at school so I didn’t have to worry about remembering to send one in, but then both were sent home together and I had no idea which one was actually worn that week. (On the opposite end of the spectrum, Jordan’s uniform came home for the first time over winter break, but we won’t go there.)

Fast forward to late October. The weekend before I was leaving on a business trip, I prepared a list for Dan with what he needed to know about each day I’d be away; the list included which day Ryan had gym and needed his uniform. In this case, it was Tuesday.

When I returned home on Friday, my conversation with Ryan and Jordan went something like this:

“Mommy, you forgot to pack my gym uniform on Wednesday,” Ryan told me after we hugged hello.

“Ry, I wasn’t even here. And you had gym Tuesday, which is when Daddy packed it.  You didn’t have gym Wed.”

“I did. I had it both days.”

“How could you have it both days?”

“Because Wednesday was an X day,” Jordan jumped in.

Huh?

“A what day?”

“An X day,” he repeated patiently.

OMG “What is an X day?” I asked, shaking my head.

“It comes after D days. So you have A, B, C, D and then X.”

Right. That sounds completely logical to me.

“So he has gym twice now?”

“No,” Jordan explained slowly as if I was a child. “There’s Xa, Xb, Xc and Xd and they rotate. So this week was Xd, which means he had gym, but next week is an Xa so he has chorus. The X days are for kids who want to take an instrument or chorus, but only do that once a week instead of twice.”

I decided I might need a PhD to follow this and wondered how long this schedule had been in place.

“All year,” Jordan shared when I asked that question.

WHAT??

Clearly I missed an email or form explaining this. Which means I probably messed up gym before and just wasn’t aware. Great.

“So explain this to me again, Jord?”

“Here, let me write it out for you,” Jordan said helpfully and proceeded to make a calendar with ABCDXaABCDXb and so on to help me over the next month. At some point during the first week, the calendar disappeared, like many papers in our house often do. We redid it a few times and then I just gave up.

I feel like I do pretty well at keeping up with this type of stuff (or at least do well at faking it!), but I knew this was a losing battle. It was just not happening. Like The Gambler, you’ve gotta “Know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away, And know when to run…

And so I folded and sent the following note in to his teacher (Disclaimer: this is not actually what I sent, but it was what I was thinking!)

Dear Ryan’s teacher,

Since Ryan is not the least bit athletic and likely puts forth minimal effort in gym, please keep his gym uniform at school as long as possible. When it does need to be sent home, please send it on a Friday. I can then wash it over the weekend and return it on Monday. It can then stay in his locker until his gym day, as I have no idea when he has gym and probably never will. Thanks so much!

Recently, Jordan informed me the schedule in high school is a little more complicated and includes Block Days. Can’t wait!

(Note: When my husband, Dan was reading a draft of this post, he said, “I’ve never even heard of X Days.” Given it’s late May, I now feel much more on top of things having found out about X Days in October! 🙂 )