Two Voices

In today’s world, do you sometimes feel like you have two voices in your head? One is practical and grateful. It says things like:

  • Of course, we need to stay inside to keep ourselves and our families healthy. The death toll is at a scary all-time high.
  • Of course, we should have a slow transition back to life once the governors deem conditions safe enough to do so.
  • Of course, it’s not difficult to stay at home on our couches – we’re lucky if that’s the worst thing we’re faced with. Other people are putting their lives on the line working in stores and doctor’s offices and hospitals every day. We’re lucky to be healthy with our biggest challenge being managing kids, homeschool and work – other people are suffering badly with COVID-19. People are in the hospital and can’t see their loved ones. Others are at home sick, trying to take care of their kids. And many are struggling to pay their bills.
  • Of course, I’m grateful the boys are older, understand the situation and are handling it so well. It must be so difficult to have young kids during this crazy time. The other day when Ryan asked about timing for the end of the quarantine, I told him I had just heard on the news that for our county to open, the total number of cases need to be at an average of 30 per day, or a total of 415 new cases over a 14-day period. Jordan replied, “Good! We need to wait until it’s safe – our governor is smart!” The 16-year-old voice of reason.
  • Of course, I’m grateful to the teachers who quickly moved to an online curriculum, to our synagogue clergy who bring our congregation together virtually for Shabbat and Havdalah on the Friday and Saturday nights, and the many other organizations trying to keep everyone connected.
  • And of course, it’s nice to have this quiet time with our kids – dinner together, no running around to activities. I think one of the best things that came out of this is the boys ask each other about their days. It started out as a social skills assignment for Ryan and has turned into a regular dinnertime activity. And the weekends can be nice. Sometimes I like having nothing planned for the weekends. I’m honestly not sure where the time goes – TV, books, walks, online scrabble, reading endless articles about COVID-19, trying to ignore the endless articles about COVID-19, cleaning out closets, etc. I said to Dan the other day, “When we go back to whatever normal is, it will be a big adjustment to not have all this free time!”

And yet, there’s the other voice – the sad and anxious one – which says things like:

  • I want my !&?@#!#%&! life back soon! (summer would be nice – I really want to go on our planned vacation to Hawaii!) and wish there was a crystal ball to tell us when that point will be – mainly for Ryan who asks me about it every single day, multiple times. I hear him walking down the hall to my room at 7:45 every weekday morning and know the first words out of his mouth are going to be “Mom, let’s talk about summer. What’s going to happen?” Argh!!! And the endless discussions begin.
  • I miss family and friends – zoom and facetime are nice but not nearly the same as in person hugs and conversations. I worry about them getting sick and getting stuck alone at a hospital.  
  • I’m sad for my boys who only have a few years left of school and should be experiencing them with other kids. I’m sad they may not have a traditional summer vacation with camps, pools and the beach, because all too soon they’ll be in the working world and will never get to experience childhood summers again.
  • I’m anxious for Ryan who learns and focuses better face to face and has limited time to get ready for whatever direction his future takes him. Employability skills are a big part of his curriculum and you can only do so much virtually. He needs work experience. He needs his teachers in the room with him.
  • And I’m worried about what will happen when we finally go back to a new version of life and wave 2 of the virus hits.  

I saw a tweet that says, “The quarantine state of mind is having 3 solid days where you feel pretty well adjusted, followed by a sudden, unexpected dip into what we call “the hell zone.” Then the individual added below, “The hell zone is an anxious, semi-agitated state where you’re just sorta “off” for the whole day and time flows like you’re wading through chili – and your hell zone will NEVER synch up with other people’s hell zones and that’ll always make you feel weird and stressed out.” So true!

I’ve had insomnia on and off for most of my life. Last week, I found myself wide awake every night. I called the doctor on Friday to see if she could help. My doctor had left for the day, so this was another one at the practice whom I didn’t know.

We had a video chat and she asked, “Is there something that’s making you anxious?” I was about to burst out laughing but saw she was serious, looking at me earnestly.

“Umm…the state of the world?” I replied, somewhat sarcastically. With alerts to the latest news articles pinging phones all day long and regular local and national live updates, how can you not be anxious? There must be tons of people with insomnia out there.

“I meant,” she clarified, “Did anything new happen in your life recently?”

Our lives are essentially Groundhog Day, with no changes in sight. Status quo. We’re still healthy. We can pay the bills. We can talk to family and friends whenever we want. The kids can access school assignments and we can access work. There’s endless Netflix, Hulu and Prime shows to keep us busy. We have good neighbors and can take walks outside and wave to them from a distance.

“No,” I said. “Nothing new has happened. And I’m grateful for that.”

Home Improvements

I don’t remember when Ryan first became interested in home improvements, and specifically, the many ways we can improve our home. It seems like for the past couple of years, he has regularly asked about remodeling. “When can we remodel [insert room]?” has been a typical question.  ‘We’ – like he is part of the decision and the funding.

I had wanted to remodel our kitchen for a while, but other expenses got in the way. We finally decided to focus on it last summer – but decided to do cosmetic updates rather than a full remodel, as we still liked our cabinets and didn’t want to spend a fortune. My goal was to finish before Thanksgiving. And so we began with appliance shopping.

Appliance adventures

I ordered a dishwasher, microwave, stove and refrigerator from Lowes. The fridge was the hardest part because of the small space into which it had to fit, but the salesperson seemed confident the size they had would work based on my measurements.

The dishwasher and microwave came on a Friday in great condition and were promptly installed.  I was given a timeframe of between 11 and 2 for the stove and fridge delivery the following week and planned to clean out the old fridge right before 11 and pack our food in coolers full of ice in case the new fridge arrived closer to 2pm. At 10:30 I got a call they were a few minutes away. Of course this would be the first time a delivery ever came early. I quickly grabbed everything in the fridge and freezer and piled it on our dining room table just in time.

One of the delivery men came in with a cart to remove the old fridge. As he pulled it out, he said “I don’t think the new one is going to fit in here. Did you measure?”

It turned out I was off by about an inch. He said he’d take the new one back and I should call to order a smaller size. Meanwhile, the other delivery man had unloaded the new stove and noticed a big dent on the side. He asked if I still wanted it. Umm… you can guess what the answer was…and so we scheduled a reorder for the following week.

I then put all the food back in the old fridge. When he arrived home from school, Ryan was visibly disappointed we did not have new appliances. Later, when I called Lowes to find a smaller option, it turned out their next size down was too small, and I ended up getting a refund from them and ordering the new one from Home Depot.

The following week, the stove arrived without dents, so we now had three of the four appliances set. A few days later, it was time for the Home Depot fridge delivery, and I once again took all the food out and packed it in ice in various coolers on my dining room table. When the new fridge arrived and was taken off the truck, the men called me outside. “There’s a dent in the back,” one of them said, “And it’s pushing into the area where air circulates, so it’s up to you whether you want to send this back.”

Really? It was deja vu, saying goodbye to the new appliance and putting the food back in the old fridge. Home Depot said they could come the following Friday. I promptly texted Dan and told him it was his turn to wait for it and deal with the ‘food in and out of fridge’ annoyance. (Of course, that fridge arrived in perfect condition and Dan texted me about how easy the whole process was.) Ryan was beyond thrilled we now had all new appliances.

With this part of the kitchen complete, we moved on to the cosmetic updates.

The Kitchen Floor

Later in the summer, Dan and I went to pick out floor tile. I texted Ryan from the tile store needing a picture of our cabinets.

“Why do you want the picture?” he texted back

“I need to pick out tile that would match it nicely.”

“Can you text me pictures of the options?” he asked. He cracks me up.

We’d be out of our kitchen for three days during the floor installation in mid-October. The night before it was set to begin, we took everything out of the kitchen that we could possibly need – nonperishables, some dishes, medicines, coffee maker, toaster oven, soap and sponges, etc.). All of this was piled on the dining room table or in stacking bins next to it. The next day, the men working on the floor moved our fridge and oven into the dining room/family room area, as well. I worked in the basement and cringed all day with the banging noise.

Getting around that jam-packed area was a little like playing Tetris. I joked to Ryan we should leave the room like that for Thanksgiving. The sofa was in the middle with chairs pushed against it. Ryan loved it and sat on the couch, excitedly talking about how funny it was to be crammed in that room with everything on top of us. Meanwhile, the rest of us couldn’t find anything in the mess and we were all anxious to eat back at home by the last night.

Countertops and a Sink

The following Thursday, the countertops and sink were scheduled to be installed. When I came home Wednesday evening after being away for three days, we had to move everything off our kitchen counter and into the dining room. Ryan was on it the second I walked in the door. “Let’s go, Mom. I want to start moving our stuff!” I was tired and thought we could wait until the next morning, but he enthusiastically started moving things. He also kept asking if our new sink would have a “pull-down faucet like Sue has.” I wasn’t sure what he meant.

The next morning, the plumber, who was uninstalling our current faucet and garbage disposal, asked if we had selected a new faucet. I had assumed the faucet came with the sink, but after checking with the granite company, I realized it did not. Luckily, the plumber had one with him, which he said was high quality and he’d install it the following morning when he came back to hook up everything.

“Make sure it’s a pull-down faucet,” Ryan said later when I told him. “It will be whatever he has,” I replied, “I have no time to faucet shop tonight.”

The granite installation was easy – only an hour (I went downstairs for an hour conference call and came up afterwards to check on the job and it was finished) – and we had to let it dry overnight. The next morning, the plumber hooked everything back up and showed me the faucet – which pulled off and served as a hose to clean the sink. (as opposed to our old one, which had a separate attachment for that).

When Ryan came home, he had a big smile on his face as he looked at the countertops and sink. “Mom! It’s a pull-down faucet!” he exclaimed! “Thank you!” Whew! Since then, Ryan has washed his own dishes and rinsed away all food in the sink using ‘his’ faucet. He is on a mission to keep the sink clean.

(I should add Dan and Jordan were also both very complimentary of the kitchen, but it was nowhere near the level of excitement Ryan showed.)

The final touch – backsplash installation

The backsplash was scheduled for the first week in November, and I booked the painter for the following week. This would get us to my Thanksgiving deadline.

Monday night, I came home from a marathon day trip to NY with Ryan waiting for me, excited to clean off the countertops so the backsplash could be installed the next day. I was once again dead tired and suggested we just do it in the morning. (Note to self: stop scheduling these installations for the day after business trips!)

“But then it’ll be rushed, or you’ll do it without me. I’m ready to do it now,” he said.

Sigh…

The good news: Ryan was very helpful and probably took the majority of our stuff into the dining room. The bad news: Ryan dropped part of our Keurig and made a mess on the dining room floor that we had to clean. Luckily the Keurig still worked.

On to Tuesday morning…

The backsplash crew was due to arrive between 8:30 and 9. When no one had arrived by 9:15, I called the store. Apparently, they had left a message the week before on some other person’s phone that the backsplash was delayed and would not be ready for another two weeks. Argh!

When Ryan came home from school and heard the news, he came running down to my office for an update on timing.

 “How are you feeling?” he asked

 “Tired of moving things in and out of the kitchen,” I replied, laughing.

“Don’t worry, Mom,” he said, “I’ll help you do it.”

He did. And the installation went off without a hitch.

Table and Chairs

Unrelated to the renovation project but in the middle of everything, I put in a request to get our kitchen chairs – two of which had broken seats and one a broken leg – repaired. I also requested the table be touched up. When we got the table several years ago, we bought the lifetime warranty insurance policy. Every six months or so, I call for a touch up as the paint tends to rub off. For some reason, Raymour & Flanigan put this claim in as two separate requests, and I got a call that my kitchen table top would be ready for delivery the same week as the granite. I called them back and said I hadn’t ordered a table top. All I wanted was a touch up. Apparently, they had messed up the order and there was now a table top in stock. They suggested just taking it. Because it was two requests, the table top was scheduled to arrive in the morning and the chair repair guy in the afternoon.

Three men and a giant truck arrived first thing in the morning. “Where’s the table that needs assembly?” one of the men asked me.

I was confused. “My table is already assembled. “Where’s the new table top?”

The men were also confused. “We don’t have a table top. We were told we needed to assemble your table.”

Argh. One of the men called the service department to let them know about the mix up and 10 minutes later, I had a new appointment for a table top delivery I didn’t need.

That afternoon, the repair man who typically touches up my table and chairs came and quickly fixed the chairs.

I told him about the earlier mix up and asked, “Is there any way you can just fix my table now and I can cancel the table top order?”

“I wish I could,” he said, “but my order form says I can only work on the chairs.”

“You have the tool right there. It will take 5 minutes,” I persisted.

“Sorry, I’ll get in trouble,” he said. Seriously?

The Friday before Thanksgiving, the men arrived with what I thought would be the new table top. However, once again thought they were assembling a table in my house and did not have a top in their truck. (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up!)

Third time’s a charm, though – they came on Monday with an entire table – this time the wrong order worked in our favor – and gave us the whole thing. So as an added bonus, we had a new table for Thanksgiving!

Less than a day after the kitchen was complete and all decorated, Ryan asked, “What room can we renovate now?”